THE BEGINNING OF HOW IT ALL STARTED... AND THE END OF 2011

Here we are, the end of another year!  I decided it was time to sum a few things up, teach a few lessons and let you into my life and inspiration a little more.

So lets start at the beginning, meet my family this is where it all started.  Yes we are small there are only 4 of us, mom & dad, older brother and me. (yes i really am a blonde) I've always had a love for old pictures, i remember growing up and saving them in shoe boxes.  30 years later the walls in my house are kept warm by the these pictures and many more that are so full of life.  Maybe its my vivid imagination but to me they tell a story, and were the missing puzzle pieces to so much of my past.  I've been through alot with my family, more then most people would understand, half of the time i dont believe it myself.  After having to make the hardest decision of my life, i had to cut ties with my dad for personal reasons.  I had to do things i had no idea i was capable of doing. Its those kind of things you have no clue rather you can do them or not til your in the situation.  But its now that i realize why i saved all these pictures.  No matter what a person goes through in life you cant take away memories. I catch myself looking at these pictures and remembering the good times, the things that made me smile.  I remember waking up every weekend morning to my dad starting his bike, it dieing, starting again etc. etc. etc.... I wish i could be the age i am now, but go back to live life then. Back when everyone was happy, back when everyone was around, back to when love filled everyone's souls. But everything happens for a reason, and even though I dont believe anyone should have to go through the stuff I have, im realizing i was put on this earth to see the horrible side of things and make them beautiful enough to look at through art.  To take the topics people are to scared to look at, to afraid to know and make them dinner conversation to your white picket fence households.

When you live your life surrounded by this it becomes normal, nothing surprises you, you become very cold and absolutely fearless. But when i took all those feelings and emotions and put them into my art work (PEEP SHOW) i was able to create a world that was so full of love and passion, the success of my show proved to me that maybe i was on to something with this.  It made ME stop and listen to myself (which for an artist is the hardest thing to do since we are our own worst critics) I grew up hearing "dont judge a book by its cover" i don't think my mom or granny ever planned on that quote going so far in my life, but it seems more then appropriate to fuel my inspiration right now.

So here i am almost a year later, a few more tattoos, another notch on the lipstick case and ready to take on the world... Its been a brutal year, lots of loss, lots of change, lots of growing, lets call it super spring cleaning for life.  I truly believe things are now aligned for me to do what i've had my heart set on. A girl like me doesnt go through all this and not make some kind of noise out of it all.

I had been struggling with this blog and wanting to introduce my family for a few weeks, as most of you know im a VERY private person.  I sat at work a few weeks ago listening to a client complain 3 hours straight about their family and the holidays. Listen up kids, YOUR FAMILY IS YOUR FAMILY THESE ARE THE CARDS YOU WERE DEALT. If your not going to change it, dont complain about it because there are a million people out there who would do anything to be in your shoes. Be proud of who your family is good or bad, its what makes you YOU.  Its taken me almost 10 years to be able to say that, but i finally understand it and believe it. No family is perfect we all have up's and down's, but there is a difference between complaining because your bored and unhealthy situations. As the old saying goes don't compare apples to oranges.

So here is what i learned out of 2011... Pick and choose your battles, if your not gaining anything positive out of a person maybe its time to re-evaluate that relationship, its easier to fall then to stand, do not care about what others think do things for yourself, if you wouldnt let it happen to your best friend dont let it happen to you, and last but not least be happy with yourself and your world the rest will fall into place.

And on that note HAPPY NEW YEAR to my family, friends, and loved ones...
.:ak:.
xxxooo